All the pleasure and none of the pain
Nov 17, 2009 | 16845 views | 0 0 comments | 519 519 recommendations | email to a friend | print
The state may be facing a whopping $3.9 billion budget deficit that is likely going to cripple the economy for us and our children, paving the way for punk rock vigilantes to take over New York City when we are all forced to abandon it - vigilantes who will eventually kidnap our president, forcing us to cut deals with convicted felons to rescue him, but don't worry, nobody's going to try to address the issue by raising your taxes, especially not with elections coming up!

We all narrowly escaped having to send more of our hard-earned dollars to Albany this week when the Assembly put the kibosh on a bevy of new levies proposed by the governor in an effort to try to do something that bordered on fiscally responsible – two words that don't get bandied about much in our state capital.

And we say good for all of our assembly members!

That Dr. Killjoy, otherwise known as Governor David Paterson, was going to raise money by taxing all things fun and good. Just take a look at all of these proposed taxes that would have raised money for frivolous things like educating our children or keeping hospitals open or providing reliable mass transit, but at the expense of some of our guiltiest pleasures.

• Digital Downloads – Yep, the state was going to tax you for downloading music from iTunes, a proposal that would have no doubt put Apple out of business and destroyed the digital music market, forcing people to go back to buying compact discs, or as the 30-somethings call them, “CD's”.

• Non-Diet Soft Drinks – Think you already pay too much to “Do the Dew”? You were almost going to have to pay more you X-Games adventurer-loving risk-takers. That is, of course, if “Do-ing the Dew” has already made you a bloated slob whose idea of risk-taking is challengin a notorious Liberty City gang leader in Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars.

• Nail Salon Visits – Keep those Ghetto Claws fierce, ladies!

• Movie Tickets – Want to escape a bit from the harsh reality that will be the state's economy over the next decade? Well, you'll still be able to do it at the very reasonable price of $10.50.

• Flavored Malt Beverages – We're not sure if Night Train Express Wine Coolers qualify as a “flavored malt beverage”, but we're glad that we won't have to find out.

So thank you to all of our assembly members for keeping our guilty pleasures tax-free. To celebrate, you should go get a manicure, then find a website where you can download Escape From New York for a scary glimpse into the future of the city, and then go get yourself a six-pack of Night Train Express Wine Coolers – you're going to need them!

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